Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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