When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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