Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
