Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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