Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
