Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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