So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
