she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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