your thong is hanging out like whoa
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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