Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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