idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
