Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
