Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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