i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
