Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
