I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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