im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
