Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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