Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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