i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
