You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
