I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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