I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
