I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
