After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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