I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
