It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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