Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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