is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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