I am puke
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You pole danced in your parka.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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