You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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