Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
