i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
