dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
