May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
