i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
