i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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