dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
