i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
