Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want nice things and good sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
