My cat gives me a boner
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
