He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
