we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
