WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
