Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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