dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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