garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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