What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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