The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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