Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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