I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
