I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
